Fereldan High: An absolutely non-canonical Dragon Age fanfic
by worldsofhurt
Summary: Dahlia Swordstrike is a teen mage from Kirkwall who has recently moved to Denerim to attend Ferelden High school. Will she survive the weirdos and freaks she meets? Will she find the love she most desperately desires? Will Zevran ever stop hitting on her family?
1. Chapter 1

Ferelden High: An absolutely non-canonical fan fiction by Worlds of Hurt

Chapter 1

9:30 Dragon, on the first day of high school. Oh, today would be weird. My name is Dahlia Swordstrike, and I am a senior enrolled at Ferelden High. I'm studying to be a mage, which is ironic since I come from a family of rogues and warriors (I think mom got frisky with the First Enchanter when she tried to get some contraband Lyrium back in the day, but that's another story). Anyway, I got up and put on my best robes; they were green with blue piping. It wouldn't protect me against even the most docile nug, but it was fucking fabulous. This was a new school for me, so I had to make a good first impression, and that was with my fine Kirkwallian clothing. All of the other girls would feel like apostates just by looking at me.

The day was all going well until I learned that I had to take the carriage with my stupid twin siblings Bethany and Carver. They were so annoying. Bethany was a mage too, which supports my First Enchanter sex theory, but Carver wasn't, so, I don't know. Those too were always so fucking whiny. Bethany had the most annoying voice in the history of Thedas. I would wish that she was made Tranquil but that wouldn't be punishment enough. Carver was a fucking pussy, and his name is stupid. Why did you name Carver like an idiot, mom? Why?

"Hey, Dahlia, looking forward to all the hot guys at school? I heard that there's this senior boy named Zevran who's an elf. I heard he's a manwhore, so you two would get along just fine." Bethany always treated me like a slut because I'm bisexual. So what if I like girls as well as boys? So what if I dated that Qunari elf in 6th grade? She was hot, so shut up.

"Leave Dahlia alone, Beth. That Qunari elf was hot." Thank you, Carver. At least one person other than me has a brain.

"Don't tell me that you're a slut too, Carvie."

"But she was so hot!"

"MOM! CARVER'S BEING A MANWHORE!"

"Shut up, Bethany, or I'll send you back to Kirkwall to live with uncle Gamlen." Mom said. that wasn't an empty threat; she once made me go to Gamlen's house in the Lowtown quarter in Kirkwall back home. It wasn't fun.

We got to school, in Denerim's most fanciest of quarters. It was public, but the school system actually was funded, so it was a step up from Kirkwall's idea of school.

"Oh shit, it's so big!" Bethany was a virgin, so she would say this a lot.

"I heard the one in Tevinter is twice this size." Shut up, Carver.

"Shut up, Carver." Said mom. Hey wait, I said that too! My mom and I have that kind of relationship where I know what she's gonna say before she says it. She's the coolest mom ever.

"You're the worst mom ever, mom!" Carver shouted like the little puss that he is.

"Shut up, Carver. Have a nice day at school, Dahlia."

I stepped into the courtyard to find the largest mass of humans, elves, dwarves, and Qunari that I'd ever seen, all teenagers, of course. School wouldn't start for another fifteen minutes, so I was free to talk to my friends... oh wait, I had no friends. This was Ferelden, not Kirkwall. Shit. There so many cliques and I couldn't find an opening in any of them, and I was NOT going to spend those fifteen minutes talking Bitchany and Cuntver.

Out of the corner of my eye I spotted two dwarves, who looked to be brothers, bickering beside a bag of what appeared to be coins. The bag was small, so I didn't bother using my awesome thief skills that I had picked up over the years to steal it (my ex, the Qunari elf? She was a rogue, so I learned to steal from her. We broke up when she found out that I could steal too. She was jealous because I was better than her). I went over to eavesdrop on the fuss.

"Maker's breath, Bartrand, it's only twenty silvers!" The youngest-looking of the brothers said. He had only a stubble of a beard, so I assumed the dwarves banished him to the surface for blasphemy.

"Shut up, Varric! I'm not eating nug meat for lunch ever again. I'm buying some quality Halla meat today." I assumed this one was Bartrand. He had a full beard. He must've left Orzammar to protect his heretic brother.

"What quality? You'll get Halla shit with twenty silvers!"

"Uh, excuse me, kind dwarves, I believe I have a solution." My coercion skills were coming into effect.

"What do you want, human?" Bartrand asked with a grumpy tone. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the rock today.

"I can offer you something better than Mabari shit, friend. Here, have my lunch, and I'll take those twenty silvers."

"What's in the bag, girl?"

"Why, aged dragon steaks, straight out of Orlais."

"Why are you giving this up, girl?"

"I don't want to seem too rich with such fine meat in my lunch. It was a gift from my uncle Gamlen, and I-"

"Wait, Gamlen? I know that prick. He's a deadbeat who fucked my mom. That fucker couldn't get meat from Orlais if he sucked the Empress' roast beef." Varric exclaimed.

"Shut up, midget, he doesn't have to know that." I whispered. It was too late. Bartrand stomped away with his coinpurse full.

"Shit, girl, that was ballsy. You failed miserably, but it was ballsy. What's your name?"

"Dahlia Swordstrike. You must be Varric."

"Varric Tethras, indeed. That was Bartrand Tethras. He's a senior here; I'm a junior."

"I'm a senior, too. Fuck, that asshole might tell people about this, right?"

"Don't worry, after the Lyrium statue incident nobody cares about him anymore. You're new here, so I'll show you around."

Little did I know that his little tour would change my life forever.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Varric led me around the courtyard in front of the school, showing me the various freaks I'd eventually encounter.

"And those are the nobles... they have their noses stuck up so high in the air that dwarves think they're falling into the sky..."

"Don't dwarves already think that about everybody?"

"Yes, but that's not the point. The nobles are rich assholes and you should avoid them."

Our next stop was with the Templars. That went over like a lead arrow.

"The Templars are chumps, Dahlia. They'll pick on anyone for being a mage, but they're not worth your time."

I wasn't focused on their possible hostility, however, as I noticed a boy in the back of the clique's huddle. He seemed disinterested in the others. He seemed... kind of cute.

"Oh, I see Alistair's piqued your interest, huh? Don't bother, he seems to be different, but deep down, he's a Templar, through and through."

I didn't want to believe him.

I walked up behind one of the Templars and hid behind his massive shoulderguard. There was a teacher standing in the middle of the group, seemingly giving orders to some of the kids. She had a stupid bitch face.

"Alright, you lousy freshman. I'm Ms. Meredith and I'll be instructing you in your Mage-hunting class. I expect full cooperation and complete distaste for mages, or I will personally stab you in the face. Understood?"

"But what if it's a cute mage? What if she has beautiful brown eyes and a flirty smile?" Alistair joked. So he was funny. Score one for me...

"Fuck off, Alistair. There's a reason why mages are held up in towers, and it's because you fuck them all if they left."\

"I can't deny it." The crowd roared.

"I'll give you 5 detentions if you don't shut your stupid trap, young man!"

"Hey, leave him alone, cunthead!" I blurted. Wait, I said that? Andraste's tits! I'm a fucking badass!

"Oh, here we have a mage, sticking up for a Templar? I knew it! Alistair, I'm giving you 10 detentions for being in cahoots with a blood mage!"

"Wait, I'm not a blood mage, nug-licker!"

"Oh shit, you done fucked up good now, Dahlia." Varric said with a grin.

"Don't smile so hard, dwarf, I know you're with her." Ms. Meredith spat. No, seriously, she spat. Say it, don't spray it, asshat.

So here I was, sitting outside the principal's office on the first day of school with a cute Templar and a snarky dwarf. It would've been fine if Varric had just let me talk to Alistair.

"Well, thanks a lot for the 'rescue', whomever you may be." Alistair said with a sexy but humorous tone.

"You're welcome, I guess." Geez, why was I so nervous? It's just a boy. A handsome boy.

"Right now's not the time for flirting, kids. If Principal Mac Tir notices you two making out outside his door, he'll come down on you even harder." Varric was such a cock block.

"Wait, Principal Mac Tir? I thought It was Principal Cailan." I pulled my eyes away from Alistair to say this most intelligent statement.

"Cailan died, under mysterious circumstances and Mac Tir took over. He has a stick up his ass so be careful." Alistair told me. Geez Alistair, stop looking out for me, it's too cute.

Mac Tir's office door opened. "Come in. All three of you."

We walked in to find to angriest looking dude I've ever seen in Thedas. He had a worn, wrinkly face and dark circles under his eyes that suggested he hadn't slept in weeks. This was a beast from the Fade, I thought.

"No, not from the Fade, young mage." I really need to stop thinking out loud. "So I heard that you gave Ms. Meredith a firm talking to after she was allegedly harassing Mr. Alistair over here." He pointed to a devasted-looking but totally handsome Alistair. "Now, you realize that the only reason Ms. Meredith speaks to her students that way is because she wants them to be fine Templars, right?"

"It doesn't give her the right to pick on Alistair for being funny." Oh shit, stop defending Alistair, Dahlia, or the shit'll hit the fan.

"Oh, Alistair, you were being funny, huh? I remember you being funny in my military tactics class when you lit the signal fire and Ser Jory's britches?"

"Ah, Jory was a wuss. And it was totally funny. I mean, the bastard ran like a darkspawn with its head cut off." I honestly want to see that.

"Alistair, you know the drill. Detention with me every Saturday for five weeks. Varric and Dahlia, well, I have something better planned."

Shit.


	3. Chapter 3

Mac Tir was not happy.

"Tethras, why were you with miss Swordstrike here?" He suddenly grew a devilish grin. It was barftastic.

"I was showing her around the school, sir, she's new here so I-"

"Taking the cute girl for a tour, eh? Is she your new girlfriend, Varric?" Oh no, no, no, no please don't don't do this.

"No, sir, she's new and I-"

"Varric, you don't have to explain yourself, birds and bees and all that, I understand."

Alistair was still in the room, eyeing me with confusion. "Varric is a midget, I wouldn't fuck him if you paid me."

"Oh come now, your breaking Varric's heart..." So this was Mac Tir's punishment, embarrassing me in front of my handsome Templar! I gotta think fast...

"That's enough, Loghain. Give them detentions and be done with it." A strong voice said from behind me. I looked to see the toughest looking sonofabitch I'd ever seen. "I think you've wasted these kids' time long enough."

"Fine, Duncan, have it your way. But if they keep on making trouble I'm firing you." Loghain was pissed...

"You can stop with the idle threats. Now, come with me, I know for a fact that Alistair and Dahlia have Grey Warden training with me." Maker's breath, please adopt me.

We got up a left for class. I made sure to give Mac Tir the finger before I closed the door. I don't know if he noticed, but I stole one of his quills. Try to write now, fuckface.

"Varric, your archery class is in the gym. I trust you know where that is?" Duncan said like the nice guy he was.

"Yeah, thanks for the save, Mr. D. I'll try to stay out of trouble." Varric was pratically kissing Mr. Duncan's shoes.

"So, Miss Swordstrike, are you really dating our Mr. Tethras?" He chuckled as he directed his attention to me.

"No, definately not!" My face was blushing with embarassment. Mac Tir could suck my cuntflaps, that dickface.

"Dwarves do have that manly appeal, don't they? What, with the... rocks... and chest hair." Alistair was poking fun at me and it was so sexy.

"Funny, Alistair. I'm sorry about all that, you didn't deserve it." I was trying to be sincere, which was really a stretch.

"Nah, it's fine. Ol' Macky would probably find a way to punish me for breathing, if he could. But let's just drop it. So, I don't believe we've been properly acquainted, have we?"

"Oh, no, we haven't. I'm Dahlia. Dahlia Swordstrike."

"And I'm Alistair. Alistair... I'm afraid my last name isn't as badass as yours. It'd be like showing off a nug you killed on top of a fresh Wyvern corpse."

"Enough flirting, kids. We're here." Duncan showed us in to our new class. I could just tell that today would be weirder as soon as I walked in.


End file.
